I thought my perfect adult plans would be a breeze to pick, prepare, and put into action... yes, I understand how absurd that is now, having 4 kindergarteners laugh because a 30 year old woman plans her own party during recess of an elementary school class her friend teaches at, because Tuesdays started early enough to crawl the entire block holding cake and balloons, which seemed normal for a bartender... how hard could it be to pick a career, I was in my prime! I had 5, maybe 10 years to think about it and decide what 'it' might be... I was a happy bartender who made great money, which bought my hangover and almost enough frosting to cover the dry, dense cake I was sharing with them! What little brats they are, I thought as the heckling tapered slowly. So I'm 30, and I have 2-5 good skills I could use for any career, if I have customers but of course I would work somewhere with customers, duh! I was tired and didn't care. Well, didn't show them I cared at least. Why would they laugh so long, and how can a group of kindergarteners judge me for being an adult, I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME LEFT TO PICK MY CAREER, unless the heathens think picking their nose is better then my job?! Maybe they could find a career in their snot, and.. oh, my gosh! WHY AM I EVEN OFFENDED AND SELF CONCIOUS BECAUSE THEY LAUGHED AT ME?
I admit, I held on to that grudge for 4 years, and through 15-20 bar or restaurant jobs I bounced through during that time, and oh boy did my grudge surface like a teapot when I was unemployed and broke, kinda skilled but my job history was awful and nobody cared if I said I could do the job since I'd likely only stick out a month at best.. I knew it was probably true, no it was, but geez, what manager says that in an interview! He sounded just like the little know it all brats, I cursed his 'manager' name tag wearing, sorry excuse for a restaurant interviewing, pathetic self, I was fuming all the way home so nobody saw me as weak or lame like that guy.
I closed the door to my apartment and CRIED, whined, ate ice cream and whined more, of course blaming anyone else for my bills that were going unpaid longer then ever, and after I cried myself to some empty state of I guess logical thinking, I had to accept that it was my fault and really was crazy for me to have never thought this could happen, I wasn't even 35 years old, yet I would soon lose everything I swore I needed to buy over the years, and I suddenly felt ancient, if I can't battens what in the world would I do for work? I had a high school diploma, so did the 18 year olds I was in competition with for any entry level job I was only qualified to do, ugh, I hated it all!
I decided on College finally, and things have progressed.. somewhat. I just don't know what I should or would want to do forever, and I'm nervous I'll never be very good at anything anyways, I'm pathetic for waiting this long right? Ahh, I struggled briefly and got over it enough to finish a few gen ed courses, sparatically while I worked dead end job after another.
Who else made a decision late in life to start their career, but changed pace or maybe stayed in the same rut like I did/ have been? Any advice or wisdom? Any kindergarteners in your household that might know? ☺
I'm still figuring out which college to attend in WA, hopefully I'll get an Associates Degree before I turn 40, I would be mortified if those kids caught up with me before really laughing at me! I ought to go now actually, time to study not write a novel!